When unconscious expectations arise
Last year I visited this small island Koufonisia and had a magical experience. Firstly, it’s mostly walkable and it’s directly across from the uninhabited island of Keros, which is an archaeological site and was used as a maritime sanctuary.
When I arrived last year, the man who carried my bags to my room told me that the reason Koufonisia is so special is because the winds pass over Keros and bring that ancient energy to the island of Koufonisia. You can feel the energy on this island for sure.
I continued to have magical experiences last year from the food to meeting people to taking in the energy and beauty of this island. So, arriving this year to the same island, I noticed that I had unconscious expectations to relive some of that magic.
The first night, I went to the same restaurant that I went to on the first night last year. I remember the food being the best and actually ate here twice despite the many restaurant options. I could have ate there every night it was that good.
This year, the energy of the place felt very different. It felt scattered and flustered. I got the same dish, eggplant baked with tomatoes and feta, sprinkled with herbs, Melitzanes sto fourno. And while it was good, it wasn’t what I remembered. The service felt very unfocused and I gathered that there was a new woman working and the other server was training her, which I know how that is having worked in the restaurant business myself. Sadly, I didn’t feel that connection I had last year and left feeling surprisingly disappointed.
The next morning, I went for my morning swim and then went to the restaurant I ate breakfast at every day last year, Finikas. This was a highlight of my time. Well, to be honest there were a lot of highlights from my time on this island last year. I got the scrambled eggs that I remember being so delicious, strapachada. I’m not an eggs fan but these are so delicious. Scrambled eggs with tomato, feta, and herbs scrambled. I don’t know what it is but this version at this restaurant blows my minds. And it was just as delicious this year. I felt relieved for a moment.
Last year, I made a connection with one of the servers. He had kind eyes and a gentle spirit. There was something about him that made me feel comfortable. I remember when I was leaving last year, he had a glow to him, he looked at me and said, “I hope to see you next year”. I felt so excited to see him this year, to be remembered, I guess, or to connect with a friendly face that felt good. However, he wasn’t there. I felt the disappointment settle in. Something felt missing by him not being there. There were others I remember from last year who are here again and were just as kind and welcoming, but it feels different.
Last year, I also connected with another solo traveler woman within my first day. It was an immediate connection and we spent a few days together and had a great time. She was from Italy living in Amsterdam so we shared experiences about our travels around the world and living in different places. We had a lot of commonalities being from different background and countries, so it was easy to talk and hang out.
I noticed this year it seemed I was the only solo traveler here. Or at least I hadn’t met another one yet. There were many couples and families which makes sense on this small island.
Walking through the iconic white-washed Greek Island paths at night and eating dinner solo felt very different. As I walked through the places I experienced last year I started to feel disappointment. I realized that I was having expectations to relive what I experienced last year, have that same magical feeling everywhere I went.
Chasing after that feeling of aliveness, connectedness, awe, inspiration, serendipity that I experienced.
This chasing is our attachment to sensory experiences, which in yoga is called parigraha, or grasping. And part of the ethical principles of the living practice of yoga is aparigraha, non-attachment, letting go, non-grasping.
Our attachments can sneak up on us.
They sure do for me. And I’ve only become aware of them through my practice of meditation and mindfulness, noticing when the disappointment arises.
Noticing when the chase for something starts.
Noticing when my mind is focused on a certain outcome rather than being present to whatever unfolds.
These experiences happen for us to wake up and realize that the only moment is now. And in this now there is so much to experience. So much possibility. If we’re so focused on how things are supposed to be, should be, have always been, we get stuck in this pattern of disappointment and frustration which leads to powerlessness.
So I’m taking this awareness of how I’m being with my experience on this island and shifting.
I will try new things.
I will go to previous places I’ve visited with new eyes.
I will allow myself to flow and see what unfolds.
I will release the desire to feel the same feeling I’ve felt before and open myself to what else I can feel.
I recorded a simple meditation practice to help with letting go. Check it out and let me know what you think :)
YouTube: Meditation to Practice Letting Go
Reflection
Where are the areas you notice you hold expectations?
Where are the areas where you hold attachment?
Where can you release the gripping and let go?
